Memorial

Keepsakes acquire emotions like nothing
you know:
    the rag absorbs water into
itself, among its fibers, you can feel
its Wetness (unlike a Sad doll);
    a magnetic charge focuses its brute force, shoves
that which it is like, drags in opposites.
Could you feel a tragedy moisten your hand
with its cold dampness?
    Does it physically stab at the hurt in your soul?
    Does it tug (as a child, frightened, yanks at his
mother's long skirt) at the mother inside
you for reassurance that you're still safe?

"They give you this . . ."

When Yahweh, your Lord,
fancies music He
Makes an instrument:
skinny cat's gut stretched
Taut by steel tuners
till its high notes wail.
When these cries grow boring He adds a burst
Fierce electricity through thin wire veins

till the Device itself
Burns out of life.

-The Black Rook

Ode to a lost boy
(by Ivan, father of the Black Rook)

I look at his face in the coffin, Why has he left me?
I think about how the brother he loved so much is now alone.
I should have known that he was two and not one, Mal & Jason, spirits sharing one body, but battling for a soul.
I need to know this Demon, Jason, that took my son away. How did he hide himself from me, the one who should have seen him?
I would have helped him vanquish Jason, if I only knew.
I read his writings, seeking answers, but there are only more questions.
I search the Internet seeking his thoughts, but find only his opinions.
I listen to the music that gave him peace, but I am denied it.
I sit in his room, and I want to be with him, but I know I can't.
I close my eyes and I whisper his name, I want him to be near, but all
I can feel is his pain.
I want to hear him say "Hi Dad" just one more time, but his words escape me.
I need to know if he has found the peace he sought, but I won't know for sure till I am with him again.
I seek the answers, but they are not outside, they are in me, in MY Mind.
I gave him all that I thought that he wanted, but I gave him the demon seed too, not knowing it was within him as it is in me.
I seek Peace, but find only torment.
I test the Depths of my Depression, have I started the descent into Hell again?
I can feel the dark Specter drawing me to his bosom, the faceless one extends his arms to me, but if I approach, he'll surely wrap his cloak around me, is this how I will finally find peace?
I touch his grave, and I want to be with him, but I can't go now.

-Ivan
August 3, 1998

Last update: Sunday, January 17, 1999 18:57