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When?
an end to night
an end to fright
with heart aching
and mind raging
she closes her eyes
she hopes
for the last time
forever
for the last time
tonight
Untitled #1
taking a self-berating fall down memory hell
if only I could go back
I wouldn't've made that call
this fool saved herself you know
the memory still vivid now
of all those years ago
and if I didn't make that call
I wouldn't be here, thats a fact.
flatlined, this I know
if only I didnt make that call..
it's as simple as that
what a fool,
I wanna go back!!!!!!
Untitled #2
an end to thought, some miracles can't be bought
unfortunate how monetary means are necessity
and unavailable
and emotions, commodity. honesty, rare. love, delusion.
thinking myself into oblivion
if only I had a brain
who knows where I could be?
intelligence isnt possessed
thoughts a ramble
delusional, shamble
nothing is real
yet everything feels...
everything means something
to a virtual being
seeking comfort
for real
Last Words
"urk!"
or
"gasp!"
hmm...
nothing witty
nothing wise
no record I surmise
no one to bear witness
only the one who finds
pity them
I feel such shame
they aren't the ones deserving blame
any last words
merely struggling sighs
breathless whimpers
of regret and silent cries
of a worthless soul
who succeeded this time
finally
an end to what couldve once been a gift
but pathetically wasted on her
the anticipated ending
of a long misery
let it be silent
and let no one wonder why
what else can it be?
she took it all for granted
so obvious
and gave up knowingly
sadly
regretably
all that really matters is
why it took so long
why one needs to be strong
why it took so long
to succeed
Untitled #3
if I can make it 4 more weeks.
can I?
I dont know.
wanting to, and being able to...worlds apart.
goes for all you know. trying to live, trying to die.
questioning all
and each reason why
never stop worrying
never give proper thanks
continue unappreciating
whats been given
whats been taken
whats been given so lovingly
unselfishly
whats been greedlily devoured
whats been so sweetly coveted
needed, and wanted
longed for
sought after
ached for
cried for
its never enough
will it ever be?
wanting more
will be the death of me
wasted its all wasted
on a worthless shit like me
why why why
it's so hard
why why why
cant anything "just be"
and just be, enough.
for me
why?
| how do I purge this pain? |
| let it wash away with the falling rain |
| how do I repent my sins? |
| close my eyes and relive them again |
| how do I make it through another day? |
| pretend it's a rerun, on constant replay. |
sadness overwhelms
its a repeat of yesterday
it never changes
it never goes away
its the same lonliness that eats away at me
unending madness
relentless and intense
the rerun of yesterdays pain
endlessly picking away at my brain
youd think Id get sick of the same old thing
and I am
but I am powerless to change a thing
replaying
relentlessly
the same broken dreams
screaming silently
what a wasted effort
a wasted stream of consciousness
when will it end?
will it ever change?
or am I destinted to re-enact forever
the memories of delusion and hell
both of which, I know too well.
a waste of space
a waste of time
unworthy of kindness
or compassion
a wasted mind
a worthless body
unworthy of forgiveness
patience, or love
a joyless soul
too full of hope
never ending pain, ache and sorrow
fated to falter
the endless fall
they keep falling
even when theyre not
memories of things i shouldve done
haunt me
reminders, of what i shouldnt have
as well
another day spent in my own private hell
if only i could hasten my decent
into nothingness
so familiar
still the thoughts that taunt me
rule me
mock me
the tears keep falling
poisoning my soul
an endless abyss
of hope and longing
taunting me
relentless
but i know...
...nothing
im worthy of...
...nothing
i am...
...nothing
it's an endless cycle
fear and want
strength and impatience
hope and ache
but the tears keep falling
even when theyre not
adding an edge
to the waste of space that remains
-stephie189
Last update: Wednesday, February 07, 2001 11:34
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