Almost exactly one year ago I tried killing myself by taking an overdose of several different drugs. I took 51 pills of a medication called Verapamil, at 240 mg a pill. I also took 8 Tylenol Cold and Sinus (which was no big deal), and somewhere between 14 and 21 Paxil, at just 10 mg a pill (which I did because I'm allergic to it).

The big thing here is the Verapamil, That's what almost killed me (if I hadn't blown it). Verapamil is a heart medication, mostly. It's generally prescribed to treat high blood pressure. I got it prescribed to treat migraines, which it's apparently very effective at preventing. The thing is, migraines and depression have both been linked to low re-uptake of serotonin in the brain. Someone planning this method might be able to persuade a doctor that they have migraines and could use something to prevent them.

What I did was drank milk and ate food while taking the medication. I think I might have also had a glass of water. I laid down and took about a four hour nap. My boyfriend came over, noticed something was wrong (actually noticed empty pill bubble wraps), and called 911. The paramedics said I might have made it another hour, but probably would have been lucky to be alive in a half hour.

My blood pressure was 60/40 (instead of 110/70) about 6 hours after I was treated, so you can imagine what it might have been when 'help' came. My heart rate was almost 30 (instead of a resting rate of 60 beats per minute). I had a severely abnormal heart beat. The 'good' news is, I have no long lasting side effects, and there was no pain. It would have been a good way to go. It still is, I guess. Verapamil leaves your body in 48 hours, so if it doesn't work by then, it won't. If you end up in the ICU, like me, you'll probably be out in 72 hours. That's the worst that will happen. But, if the reader is smart, and does it when no one else is around, it will be successful.

Just thought I'd share that.

- Kirsten
September, 2000

Last update: Saturday, December 09, 2000 17:34