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it was aloneness from the beginning
that brought me to that utterly desolate place
that crashed against those bare walls
echoing the howling, inhuman lullaby
which became my nightly companion
that filled my belly twice
with the seed of the one I needed
to perpetuate my solitude
aloneness that slammed me so deep within
I welcomed the company of roaches
who shared my bed at night
indifferent to the holes they made
gnawing milk from the faces of my sleeping babes
that spread my legs for men lost in darkness
wanting only to shove some part of themselves
into something white
aloneness that held my spirit
in a body that longed for gruesome end
but would not suffer it's offspring
cohabitation with it's rotting corpse
darkened finally in a bath
of high voltage.
i've never been a fighter...a fighter... a fighter
the echo did not fade
but continued for years
unfolding into a life
of complacency.
there was a doctor
shouldered by a nurse
peering at deformity
and four more of them to hold
one flailing, forgotten child
there were tubes to be removed and cleaned
and nosebleeds
and nosebleeds
and arm splints
and when i writhe
not to worry, he says,
babies don't feel pain
and now i'm floating
in a sea of stars
far from the needle and the blade
and the bones broken
in his experiment called surgery
to be repeated every few months
for years
they say i am retarded
but it is my disdain they misinterpret
i have learned to stay away
i gave my body to the pain
but the stars,
the stars are mine
Autism
is the word
for spirit not wholly present
it is these lucky ones
who find the world lacking
and retreat back through
the warmth of the womb
and into the eternal
Love is a sea
deep and clear and warm.
Nothing like those murky swamps
where you loose your shoes
if you're not careful.
Calling all angels
Calling all angels
you there in asylums
dreaming your wasted dreams
and you at the sink, razor in hand,
the drunk and the junkie, the holy whore
those of you nursing the tit of death wish
who've lost hope cause you once knew that hope did exist
the stars in your eyes by pain extinguished
laid open and bleeding at the lack of love
the world still mourns
the loss of your light.
Calling all angels
Calling all angels
you with the audacity to think differently
ostracized for differences of form and thought
who see into the subtle and hear gentler voices
you discontent at the side of injustice
it is you who find the world not worth saving
who have draped the grace and power of revolution
round bloodied wings now drooping.
Unfold your light
Unfold your light
for it is only your song
which saves the world
from its unconscious hell.
Last update: Wednesday, February 07, 2001 15:33
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