The Release (Or, Killing Myself With An Overdose) (1994)

Crying, sobbing, weeping
in the steamy bathroom
with my face on the cold counter top
and the water running 
My lungs aching for cool air again
My body denying.

One hand clenching a towel as if
it could save my life
As my mind trips back to the past
and torments my emotions
until I can no longer stand to think.

The tiles on the wall are
slick with moisture
(is it my tears?)
and I am falling
                falling
                        falling down
 and my hand falls open
        and I release
                my release.

Mother (1) (1994)

All her things
are scattered
over
patchwork rugs
and
hardwood floors.
Overturned
and
Underturned
and
Saddened eyes
in her mirror,
waiting.
Fingerprints
on
half-dulled silver
I am looking
for one of hers.
It's not there.
Or not
that I can see.
Looking for her hair
in a fine-toothed comb
and wondering how it's
still there.
Smelling her soap
and perfume
but they dont
smell the same
without her warm skin
to heat it.
When the wind comes
it will
send the tears away.
When the wind comes
it will
all feel better, soon.
When the wind comes
it will
take the hurt away.

For now,
there is silence,
too loud
and too long
and too much to stand.

Mother (2) (1994)

My mother was a shining face
in the crowd of people around me.
She held my hand on the first day
of kindergarten and she wiped
my hands off on her pants
before I ate the cookies she made.
She taught me to read and write my name
and didn't yell when I wrote it on the walls
which she cleaned every day when I was young.

My mother was like an angel when
she kissed my pains away and I can still
remember the smell of her hands on my face
when I was hot and feverish late at night.
She taught me about the moon and lightning
and frogs and spiders and shooting stars.

My mother told me how babies were born
and how they grow and get old.
She taught me how to be strong and bold
and then my mother died.

              -Dana-Christene Umanetz 1994
               In Memory of Susanne.

Silent Prey (1995)

Take me in your arms,
despite my crying words
tell me that I'll be alright
though I will not believe.

Promise me my sins are cleansed
my soul - forgiven all
Hold me in your arms,
and promise me the world.

(I would sleep with you
for the promise of attention
I would sleep with you
for a moment's warmth.)

Look me in the eyes and tell me
That you never meant to hurt me
Look me in the eyes and tell me
that I haven't seen enough.

Hold my wrists when I try to slash
Hold my hand when I try to fall
Close my mouth when I try to swallow
Burn the rope that threatens all.

(I would sleep with you
to feel your arms around me
I would sleep with you
to make me real)

Promise me the heavens
and I won't believe your words
Promise me hell and I'll say
I've seen it all.

I'll love you in a moment
if you give me half a chance
it's not good for me to do this
but it's not like you to care.

So hold me in your strong arms
for a moment it's all I need
Hold me with your body
and it will be the truth.

What Have I become? (1995)

	What have I become?

	Silence takes it's toll
	and soon there is no communication
	with angels
	
	You could have been everything
	and you could have been nothing
	
	My cloak of darkness doesn't
	effect anyone, but me 
	
		what have I become?

	He loved for no reason

	innocence lost, paradise gained
	paradise lost, innocence strayed.

	You could have been everything
	and still you are nothing.

	When I think about you
	there is no feeling
		no pain for my loss
		no wish for the past

	"These people aren't your friends
	they're paid to kiss your feet"			
	
		Need to pay them more,
		for I am sinking.

	White roses for the innocent
	Praying for the damned
		Should I tell them it's
			only a vicious cycle?

	You could have been everything to someone
	but you are nothing to anyone.

	With time, 
		we all fade
	and when we die
		we turn to dust

	..does it matter how fine the dust is?
	will we compete for the prize, even then?

	Give it all away
		material posessions won't save you
	and neither will your [G]od
	
	Your religious words of comfort won't keep
		me warm while I'm gone
	and the sound of your voice will elude me

	You could have been someone special
	but your presence doesn't count.

		He loved for no reason
		except the selfish need
		to do his good deed
		and move on
		Mercyfuckingkilltheyoung

	Sometimes closeness isn't there
	until you're fucking someone
	and then you're lost inside yourself
	but later you'll swear you felt 
	his love
		it was only pain.

	..and pain is what tells you you're alive
	so make yourself bleed
		tear the hole in your soul	  
		tear a hole in the sun
			blackness will surprise you
			the darkness brings the peace

	You could have been everything
	if you had only let yourself be free.