Depression

This insomnia sucks
I amuse myself by
Thinking of ways to die
Sometimes I inflict
Pain on myself
Another bout of self-abuse
I torment myself
Self-esteem is lacking
But is made up for
By self-contempt
Questions I ask myself
Make no sense to me
My head gets all fucked up
How do you ignore
What’s in your head?
Fears of loneliness
Death and pain
Torture me daily
Insecurities cloud my ability
To communicate with others
I have no idea what I’m doing
Or why I’m doing what I’m doing
I can’t even control
My own thoughts
I am not the person
I thought I was
The person I found
Does not interest me at all
I am perhaps
My least favorite person
I hate talking to myself
I am the most uninteresting
Fucking person I know
I have zero personality
If I was someone else
Would I even by my friend?
Why do I hate myself
The most when things
Seem to be going good?
This rage I feel
Roots in an inability
To handle frustration
Stress builds so high
My tolerance level
Is about to crumble
How many times a day
Does the average person
Think about dying
Mortality...it’s there
All things must come to and end
But why do some things even begin?
Suicide is the solution
For only one problem
Feel I am not living at all
Merely waiting to die
These thoughts haunt me
Once the sun goes down
Confusion and distress
I have been unable to get any sleep
What the fuck should I do?
Have another nightmare
And listen to all of
The voices in my head
Night is so quiet
Silence is the cause
Of my odd thoughts
I once dreamed of
My own funeral
An open green field
One single headstone
Bearing my name
And not one person in sight
I do not want to die alone
But I feel that day approaching
Do you ever wonder
What you could be
Right now if you had
Made a couple of
Decisions differently?
Maybe my life could
Have meant something
Why do I hold onto nothing?
I am nothing but a
Fucking coward anyway
I think about death
Because it is unknown
With only one way to
Find out the truth
Maybe everything has
Worked out for the best
Leave nothing behind
And make no difference
I wish I could forget my life
My whole life long
I am a burden on everyone
Memories of me would
Disintegrate quickly
Because they hold no significance
I wake everyday hoping
To find happiness
I go to sleep disappointed
A lifelong depression
Does not end ... it only grows
Is it normal to cry yourself to
Sleep with a razor in your hand?

-mezero

Last update: Sunday, March 12, 2000 17:35