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To Blame

This pain...
I wish it was an illusion
My blood drips down the shower drain
and my hands are getting cold
I guess it doesn't matter if I'm sane
or if Marilyn Mansons to blame
cause livings just getting old
I'm thinking of a time when love was real
or when it had a meaning
A time when I could feel
and I wasn't numb or unseeing
There's not enough blood for me
as I slash and slash at the open wound
Look what I did!!!! WON'T YOU SEE?
I hope you treasure this moment dear
because when you wake up
I will no longer be here
No, no ones to blame
(not Manson or any other influence I held dear to me)
But it's my own fault
can't you people see?
I lived and now I wish to die
so leave me in peace
and please tell mom not to cry
This is my disease
and this life was mine


I sit and I think of all the things life has in store for me
but nobody is able to see exactly what I see
No future, no promises, no love and no desires
all I want is a peice of this worlds fire
but you know how much I want die
and people just keep telling me it will all be alright
I don't feel like keeping up this fight
I'm not sure what life is really all about
but there's this one thing that I doubt
it's not for me
I don't want to keep going
I just want a little time to decide when and why
and nobody's giving it to me
If only I could make the world see
how hard it is to just be me
I don't care about what others think
but you make it seem like I am weak
Just because I don't act like you
just because I'm not sure what I'll be able to do
just because I don't feel like living another day
and just because I have never listened to a word you had to say
I don't need your input
this is my life and I'll figure it out
You tell me to see and I look
but I see nothing but your doubt
You don't think I'll make it
and neither do I
I can't take anymore of this shit
and I can't handle anymore of your lies
I'm making up my mind
to end my own life in my own time
Don't try to stop me
maybe tonight I'll finally be free

If you cared....

If you cared, I wouldn't be here crying in lonliness
If you cared, I wouldn't be slicing up my arm
If you cared, you'd know this!

If you cared, I would be okay
If you cared, I'd be asleep by now
If you cared, I wouldn't have so much to say

Please... can you look closely?
You'll see the brand new slashes against my skin
If you loved'd be able to see
Please, look at my pain
I hold it clear on my wrist

If you cared, I'd have myself to blame
If you cared, I wouldn't always have to hold a fist
If you cared, I wouldn't be going insane

If you cared, you'd save me from my self destruction
If you cared, you'd be here holding me
If you cared, I wouldn't have to do this

Please.... can you look closely?
You'll see my heart, right here in your palm
I wish you'd see
Please look at my pain,
I hold it clear in my eyes

If you cared, I'd still be here
If you cared, you'd find my body
This is only if you cared
My dear, sweet... Johnny



"Is it normal to sleep with a razor in your hand?
~squeeze my hand as hard as it hurts~
Are you scared? Cause if you're scared, so am I.
'She is the cat, mischevious and unpredictable'

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