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Thanks to Barb for her personal experience.
I wish there were a little green pill we could swallow and drift off into a peaceful, eternal sleep. I am somewhat on a mission to let people know not to try an overdose because it won't work. I, too, somehow thought that it would work. If i had known about ash then, i would have known better. The most unfortunate fact about the o.d. not working is that everyone finds out about one's attempt. I was lucky enough to be only around two people who were very cool about it.
Is it painful? Well, I took ten bottles, drifted off into a peaceful sleep, and awoke about four or five hours later, throwing up my insides. I can't say it was tremendously painful, since i was hallucinating wildly and not even really aware of what was going on. I threw up lots of blood and remember checking to make sure that there weren't any pills in my vomit. I was thinking that if my body had already absorbed the pills, i would still die. I threw up a lot of pieces of my stomach lining, as well. I couldn't stand, since the entire world was shaking violently. I would throw up and pass out in my own vomit, and then repeat the cycle again and again.
I eventually fell asleep in a large pool of my own blood/vomit. I awoke several hours later and walked around the house, hallucinating. No one knew why i was hallucinating, but it was extreme. I was having conversations with people who weren't there, seeing things that weren't there. This continued for about 24 hours, and then i fell asleep for three days.
So... it wasn't necessarily painful physically, but it definitely wasn't a good idea. I didn't "chicken out", nor did i get sent to the hospital. Had i gotten to the hospital, they probably would have pumped my stomach.
I still believe i will die by suicide. I've been thinking that since i was 14, and i'm 23 now, so who really knows? (Last attempt was almost two years ago, but i've thought about it every day since then.)
Is there any painless way to go? My next attempt will either be with a gun in my mouth, or jumping from a tall bridge or building. Either is pretty painless, but pretty terrifying. In either case, however, it is over with much quicker than swallowing pills. It took me over an hour to swallow all those sleeping pills, and you better believe it wasn't pleasant.
And, if that doesnt thoroughly put you off....
Article 76332 of alt.suicide.holiday: From: mleekinsey@aol.com (MLeeKinsey) Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday Subject: Just how effective is Tylenol? Date: 19 Jul 1995 09:18:33 -0400
Don't do it. ODing is one of the *worst* ways to attempt, and the thing is, it takes so long to actually get around to dying that your chances of being found and dragged to the ER are pretty damned good. Before that, though, you'll spend hours and hours vomiting and losing control of bowel function, you'll become delirious, alternately hot and cold, immense unimaginable pain, possible convulsions.... then if they get you to the ER, they make you drink *liquid charcoal* to purge your system... everything that comes out of your body for a week is black... and of course, immediately after that, they send you to the psych ward, where everyone is always cheerful and friendly unless you insult someone on group or refuse to take the drugs they give you.
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