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The following logfiles are complete and accurate, spelling errors, typo's and all. The only changes I have made is HTML formatting, removal of all nicks except mine and his, and removal of any of his personal information.
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Session Start: Wed Dec 06 12:07:53 2000
[12:07] Session Ident: Euthanasia44 (IP deleted) [12:07] (Euthanasia44) Hi, hows it going? [12:08] (stbdchick) ok, how are you? [12:08] (stbdchick) btw, thanks for the email - was sweet of you [12:08] (Euthanasia44) doing good [12:08] (Euthanasia44) did you get my message? [12:08] (Euthanasia44) Oh ok, good [12:09] (Euthanasia44) I was a little worried about you [12:09] (Euthanasia44) you have not ben on much [12:09] (stbdchick) I haven't heard from (nick deleted), and he hasn't posted [12:09] (stbdchick) so... he is probably gone [12:09] (Euthanasia44) Well, it could have happend, and all we can do is accept it [12:10] (Euthanasia44) there are more then 1 in here I know will be gone and I will miss them [12:10] (stbdchick) true, unfortunate, but true [12:10] (stbdchick) I feel badly though [12:10] (stbdchick) I think it's awful that anyone has to face it alone [12:11] (Euthanasia44) I'm trying to think of the girl from Norway, that is not in anymore, not sure if she jumped or what [12:11] (stbdchick) no, I saw he earlier [12:11] (stbdchick) he = her [12:11] (Euthanasia44) How are you feeling? are you still planning on taking the bus? [12:12] (Euthanasia44) Her, and was 17 [12:12] (stbdchick) probably fairly soon [12:12] (stbdchick) I don't want to deal with going back to work [12:12] (stbdchick) and money will run out soon [12:12] (Euthanasia44) You know we don't want to lose you? [12:12] (stbdchick) I know [12:12] (Euthanasia44) but you have to do what you have to do [12:13] (stbdchick) that's the bad thing about ASH - finding people who understand is... finding people you may lose [12:13] (stbdchick) I'll have to give a couple people control voer the channel too [12:13] (Euthanasia44) Your important here [12:14] (Euthanasia44) you should give me the password [12:14] (stbdchick) I'll email it to a few people before I go [12:14] (stbdchick) I'm pretty decided on helium [12:14] (Euthanasia44) good [12:14] (stbdchick) I think it's likely to be as painless as one can get [12:15] (Euthanasia44) I wish I could be with you when you do it [12:15] (Euthanasia44) even if I don't really want you too [12:15] (Euthanasia44) I would help you [12:15] (stbdchick) help me? [12:16] (Euthanasia44) like you said, it is not good to die alone [12:16] (stbdchick) no, it's not [12:16] (stbdchick) when I was gonna do it before... the dying part scares me [12:16] (stbdchick) I wish my best friend would be there [12:17] (stbdchick) death doesn't scare me - I figure the other side is... just nothing [12:17] (stbdchick) it's the going that is scary [12:17] (Euthanasia44) kid of hard to get that kind of support ha? [12:17] (stbdchick) well, most people kinda freak out over the diea of suicide [12:17] (stbdchick) most non-ASHers, I mean [12:18] (stbdchick) makes me wish I just ahd cance4r or HIV or somehting [12:18] (stbdchick) then they'd be supportive [12:18] (Euthanasia44) I like the drug to knock you out first before death, then feel nothing [12:19] (Euthanasia44) I know [12:19] (Euthanasia44) but even if you were terminal, they would not let you die [12:19] (stbdchick) I think helium is pretty fast, but that's kinda what's scary... [12:20] (stbdchick) I dunno, I think they'd be more supportive if I were terminal, my friends, I mean - they just don't think the pain I'm in is as "real" as physical pain [12:20] (Euthanasia44) with drugs that knock you out, you have a feeling of well being first while you go asleep, then you die with a smile on your face [12:21] (Euthanasia44) what about you getting another job? [12:21] (stbdchick) it's not my job [12:21] (stbdchick) that's just another source of stress [12:21] (stbdchick) it's 38 years of this shit [12:21] (stbdchick) I'm just... tired [12:21] (stbdchick) I don't want to deal with the grief anymore [12:21] (Euthanasia44) is there anything you can point at that is the problem? [12:21] (Euthanasia44) that could be changed? [12:21] (stbdchick) it's not one thing [12:22] (Euthanasia44) your daughter now is getting worried from what you have said? [12:22] (stbdchick) my whole life... I was raised in an abusive family, lived on the streets for years, been raped, abused, etc... overcame ALL that... got pregnant... went to college alone, grad school alone, dirt pverty... [12:23] (stbdchick) everything just keeps on... the stuff with my daughter isn't the problem... it's just the last straw [12:23] (stbdchick) there's never been a period of time where my life wasn't a major struggle [12:23] (stbdchick) yeah, she has been good since I quit going to work - behaves herself [12:24] (Euthanasia44) bu you know it wont last [12:24] (stbdchick) no, if I get better, she'll fuck up again [12:24] (stbdchick) and I have done EVERYTHING there is to do about her [12:24] (stbdchick) and quite frankly, I just can't keep doing it alone... it's *always* been me against the world, and I'm just too tired [12:25] (Euthanasia44) so your going to die alone I guess [12:26] (stbdchick) apparently [12:26] (stbdchick) I don't want my daughter to find me, so I was thinking a hotel room [12:26] (stbdchick) tho I dunno what excuse one would use for bringing a tank of helium in with you...heh [12:27] (Euthanasia44) if you did not have your daughter how would it be for you now? [12:27] (stbdchick) I dunno... I can't imagine not having her [12:27] (stbdchick) my life has been about her for almost 2 decades now [12:28] (Euthanasia44) Is there any part of you that still wants to live? [12:28] (stbdchick) I can't imagine... what I would ever want in the future [12:29] (stbdchick) I can't envision a life that would make me happy... something worth going through the grief for [12:29] (stbdchick) so... no [12:29] (Euthanasia44) hahahaha [12:29] (Euthanasia44) not a hotel, a cabin [12:30] (stbdchick) that's an idea... there are campsites up in Sullivan County that rent cabins [12:30] (stbdchick) it's beautiful up there... and peaceful [12:30] (Euthanasia44) rent it for a weekend [12:31] (Euthanasia44) bring it in at night when no one is around [12:31] (Euthanasia44) Or, you can do it in the middle of the woods [12:31] (Euthanasia44) but then a bear might have you for a meal [12:31] (Euthanasia44) still there? [12:31] (stbdchick) no one is ever around [12:31] (stbdchick) there's only like 3000 people in the whole county [12:32] (stbdchick) and I wouldn't really care if a bear had me as a meal afterwards, I mean it's not like I'm gonna be using my body anymore [12:34] (Euthanasia44) do you want your body found? or would you just like to disapear? [12:34] (stbdchick) the thing is... if I'm found, they'll know it's suicide... and my daughter won't get my life insurance [12:35] (stbdchick) before... before I was in therapy, and no one knew... I wanted to make it look accidental [12:35] (stbdchick) but now they know I'm suicidal [12:35] (stbdchick) so I dunno [12:35] (Euthanasia44) yes, but do you want your body found? [12:35] (Euthanasia44) do you want your daughter to know hwat you did? [12:36] (Euthanasia44) how much is the insurance? [12:36] (stbdchick) insurance is $140K [12:36] (stbdchick) twice my salary [12:36] (Euthanasia44) wow [12:36] (stbdchick) I'd rather they didn't know I suicided [12:36] (stbdchick) enough to get her through college anyways [12:37] (Euthanasia44) lets think about that, I agree [12:37] (stbdchick) I mean, I want her to be OK [12:37] (Euthanasia44) it is better if you disapear never to be seen again [12:37] (Euthanasia44) but not sure how long she has to wait to collect on the insurance [12:37] (stbdchick) probably, then they can just report me missing... after a year or two, I think they presume you're dead [12:37] (Euthanasia44) yes [12:38] (Euthanasia44) about when do you want to do this? [12:38] (stbdchick) sometimes I think about all this - and other times... I just... I don't care if she's OK, cause I'm just SO bad myself... [12:38] (stbdchick) I can't believe (nick deleted)didn't show up [12:38] (stbdchick) I dunno, soon though [12:39] (stbdchick) I really don't want to hang around to lose many more people [12:39] (stbdchick) I'm way too fragile for any more grief [12:39] (Euthanasia44) yes [12:39] (stbdchick) brb...getting coffee refill [12:40] (Euthanasia44) would you have tried to talk him out of it? [12:41] (Euthanasia44) ok [12:42] (stbdchick) back [12:43] (stbdchick) I dunno if I'd have tried to talk him out of it, to tell you the truth [12:43] (stbdchick) it's not like he was a teenager, ya know? [12:43] (stbdchick) he's in his early 40's...been dealing with being severely bipolar for years, and there's little hope of him getting better [12:43] (stbdchick) I dunno [12:44] (stbdchick) the selfish part of me would've wanted to talk him out of it [12:44] (Euthanasia44) so what could you have done then if he did come over? [12:44] (stbdchick) but... realistically, he is one of the people who probably should do it [12:44] (stbdchick) I dunno, meet him anyways [12:44] (Euthanasia44) I know that one [12:44] (Euthanasia44) say goodbye [12:45] (stbdchick) yes [12:46] (Euthanasia44) so your not sure if you are enough about your daughter to plan it so she gets the insurance money? [12:46] (Euthanasia44) back to being selfish [12:46] (Euthanasia44) someone said suicidal people are selfish, think that is true? [12:46] (stbdchick) the thing is, the insurance won't pay on suicide for 2 years... which would mean I'd hafta wait another year [12:46] (stbdchick) and I can't imagine living through this for another year [12:47] (stbdchick) of course, committing suicide is selfish [12:47] (stbdchick) just... doesn't mean it's wrong [12:47] (Euthanasia44) Well, if no one found your body [12:47] (stbdchick) sometimes selfish is the right thing [12:47] (stbdchick) if I rent a cabin in Sullivan County, someone is gonna find the body [12:48] (stbdchick) unless a bear comes along after all ;) [12:48] (Euthanasia44) that is not what I had in mind [12:48] (Euthanasia44) of corse someone would [12:48] (Euthanasia44) I know how to do it in California [12:49] (Euthanasia44) there is a very very deep lake [12:49] (Euthanasia44) 16,000 feet deep [12:49] (stbdchick) there's a lake THAT deep? [12:50] (Euthanasia44) yep [12:50] (Euthanasia44) lake Tahoe [12:50] (Euthanasia44) the inside of a volkano [12:50] (stbdchick) I dunno... I read a description of drowning... doesn't sound like a good method [12:50] (Euthanasia44) 35 miles across [12:50] (Euthanasia44) if your knocked out it is very peaceful [12:51] (Euthanasia44) no pain with drowning [12:51] (stbdchick) if I'm knocked out, jumping in a volcano would be difficult [12:51] (Euthanasia44) but how you die is not the question [12:51] (Euthanasia44) it is where your body goes [12:51] (Euthanasia44) No, you would need help [12:52] (Euthanasia44) if you came here, I would help you [12:52] (Euthanasia44) ass long as you left no trail here [12:52] (Euthanasia44) there are cabins here too along the lake [12:53] (stbdchick) help me what? dispose of my corpse? [12:53] (Euthanasia44) you would never ben seen again [12:53] (stbdchick) I mean... you would MOVE my dead body? wouldn't that creep you out? [12:53] (Euthanasia44) yep [12:53] (Euthanasia44) in the middle of the lake [12:54] (Euthanasia44) with weights [12:54] (Euthanasia44) your daughter wins then [12:55] (stbdchick) errr... how could you do that? [12:55] (stbdchick) I mean, I've only been near dead bodies a few times [12:55] (stbdchick) but when our last cat died... I couldn't even bury her, neighbor did it [12:55] (Euthanasia44) you can choose whatever method of death you want [12:55] (Euthanasia44) whatever feels the best for you [12:57] (Euthanasia44) It would not bother me to help you, know how important it is for you [12:57] (Euthanasia44) It is up to you [12:57] (stbdchick) it doesn't creep you out? [12:57] (stbdchick) I mean...I was with my dad when he died [12:57] (stbdchick) and he wasn't THERE anymore if you know what I mean [12:57] (stbdchick) his corpse made me very uncomfortable [12:57] (stbdchick) it wasn't HIM [12:58] (Euthanasia44) No, not with a friend [12:58] (Euthanasia44) Yes [12:58] (Euthanasia44) To many people have to go suicide alone [12:58] (stbdchick) I know [12:58] (stbdchick) how would we do this? [12:58] (Euthanasia44) and makes it sohard [12:59] (Euthanasia44) again, need to have an idea of when? [12:59] (stbdchick) next week [12:59] (Euthanasia44) Oh and tell me your body weight? [12:59] (stbdchick) 180 [13:00] (Euthanasia44) you will be dead weight [13:00] (stbdchick) yup, and not much time to diet between now and then ;) [13:00] (stbdchick) heh [13:01] (stbdchick) may have to rent a crane [13:02] (Euthanasia44) I need to know how much weight I have to handle? [13:02] (stbdchick) have you like worked in a morgue or something? [13:03] (Euthanasia44) hmmmmmmmm [13:03] (Euthanasia44) I guess because your so tall [13:03] (stbdchick) yeah, I'm 5'10" [13:03] (Euthanasia44) I remember you said your 5-8 [13:04] (stbdchick) no, 5'10" [13:04] (Euthanasia44) I would be the only one to move you [13:05] (stbdchick) I meant... I meant how is it you are so matter-of-fact about moving bodies? [13:05] (Euthanasia44) Oh ok, so is that your normal weight for being that tall? [13:06] (stbdchick) well, it's normal for me... I am about 20-30 lbs overweight [13:08] (Euthanasia44) or did you let yourself go? [13:08] (Euthanasia44) I'm to fat, I'm about 200 lbs now and only 5-6, and was skinny for most of my life, hate it. [13:09] (stbdchick) you gained weight with depression? [13:11] (stbdchick) I gained gradually in college and grad school... studying until the middle of the night... had a fourth meal most days... and though I worked very hard, it was all sitting-on-my-butt kind of work [13:12] (stbdchick) you there? Session Close: Wed Dec 06 13:14:11 2000 Session Start: Wed Dec 06 13:23:38 2000 [13:23] Session Ident: Euthanasia44 (IP deleted) [13:23] (Euthanasia44) Hi, are you there, I'm having al kinds of problems today with my connection [13:23] (stbdchick) yup, I'm here [13:24] (stbdchick) hello? Session Close: Wed Dec 06 13:25:14 2000 Session Start: Wed Dec 06 15:12:16 2000 [15:12] Session Ident: Euthanasia44 (IP deleted) [15:12] (Euthanasia44) Hi there [15:12] (Euthanasia44) did you get my email? [15:13] (stbdchick) yes, just got it [15:14] (stbdchick) your server fixed? [15:14] (Euthanasia44) Oh ok, sorry about that [15:14] (Euthanasia44) it was driving me nuts [15:14] (Euthanasia44) glad they got it fixed [15:14] (stbdchick) it happens [15:14] (Euthanasia44) the at home network [15:15] (Euthanasia44) Do you remember where we were? [15:15] (stbdchick) we were talking about dumping my corpse in a volcano [15:15] (stbdchick) I dunno that I qualify tho [15:15] (Euthanasia44) I know you have a tough choice to make [15:15] (stbdchick) <-isn't anywhere *NEAR* a virgin [15:15] (stbdchick) :) [15:16] (Euthanasia44) No, in a lake that was formed from a volkano [15:16] (stbdchick) I know, I'm just being a smart-ass [15:16] (Euthanasia44) hahahhah [15:16] (stbdchick) no matter how distraught I get, my mind still goes weird places [15:16] (stbdchick) I have a very twisted brain [15:17] (Euthanasia44) So do I, welcome to the club [15:17] (Euthanasia44) and a sick humor [15:17] (Euthanasia44) But body desposal [15:17] (Euthanasia44) is the problem now [15:18] (stbdchick) I dunno about this [15:18] (Euthanasia44) Oh I was asking you about your weight, for being so tall, is 180 over weight? [15:19] (stbdchick) I mean, what excuse would I have to go to CA? [15:19] (stbdchick) 180 is aboiut 20 lbs overweight [15:19] (Euthanasia44) Well, I'm a lot more then that over weight [15:19] (Euthanasia44) your lucky [15:20] (Euthanasia44) if you desapear, you don't tell anyone where your going [15:20] (stbdchick) but I'll have to buy plane tickets [15:20] (stbdchick) I mean, that can be tracked [15:20] (Euthanasia44) But next week would not give me enough time to plan it [15:20] (stbdchick) how much time do you need? [15:21] (Euthanasia44) Well, would prefer Feb if you could wait that long? [15:21] (stbdchick) why February? [15:22] (Euthanasia44) Well, there might be someone else that also needs help as well in feb [15:24] (Euthanasia44) just need to rent a cabin once [15:24] (stbdchick) from ASH? [15:24] (Euthanasia44) they are expensive there [15:24] (stbdchick) why? how much does a cabin cost? [15:25] (Euthanasia44) somewhere over 200 per night for lake front [15:25] (Euthanasia44) could you hold out until Feb? [15:25] (stbdchick) much less expensive than paying living expenses for another few months [15:26] (stbdchick) I could cover that [15:26] (Euthanasia44) someone els might for you [15:26] (Euthanasia44) make good use out of the place, kill two birds with one cabin, hahahaha [15:27] (Euthanasia44) Just need to be sure you would not talk to anyone about this [15:27] (Euthanasia44) and help be sure your not traced, and we can talk about that [15:27] (stbdchick) who is it?> [15:28] (stbdchick) I mean, I dunno how I feel aboiut someone else... [15:28] (Euthanasia44) I would never tell you unless I had permission [15:28] (Euthanasia44) It is another female [15:28] (stbdchick) it's not a teenager, is it? [15:28] (Euthanasia44) and you would not have to be there at the same time [15:29] (Euthanasia44) the cabin would be rented for a week or two [15:29] (Euthanasia44) No, over 30 [15:30] (Euthanasia44) I'm going to just have a vacation [15:30] (stbdchick) why for a week or two? [15:30] (stbdchick) oh [15:30] (Euthanasia44) and do this with notice [15:30] (Euthanasia44) without I mean [15:30] (stbdchick) well, how do I buy plane tickets without being traced? they check id when you board now [15:30] (Euthanasia44) they look at your id? [15:31] (Euthanasia44) well, I don't care about them knowing the place you went too [15:31] (Euthanasia44) the airport [15:31] (Euthanasia44) just the address of the cabin no one would know [15:32] (Euthanasia44) So if you took a plane to Reno, no one would know you went to the lake or where [15:32] (stbdchick) ok [15:32] (stbdchick) you'd pick me up at the airport? [15:33] (Euthanasia44) they would think your in Reno [15:33] (stbdchick) or...i mean, they'd look if I got a rental car [15:34] (Euthanasia44) either meet you there, or have you take a shuttle to the casinos at lake Tahoe, and then you take a cab or something to the cabin, no trace [15:34] (stbdchick) I will have to think about this a bit [15:34] (stbdchick) I'd feel a fool if... [15:34] (Euthanasia44) I first have to work it out with the other woman, she has the money to pull this off [15:34] (stbdchick) if we made plans, and at the last minute, I couldn't do it [15:35] (Euthanasia44) yes? [15:36] (stbdchick) I mena, I was gonna do it back in May... had everything set [15:36] (stbdchick) damn, I wish I'd gone through with it [15:36] (stbdchick) have you ever actually tried? [15:36] (stbdchick) it's... incredibly scary [15:36] (stbdchick) and lonely [15:36] (Euthanasia44) what would you like me to do if you change your mind? [15:37] (stbdchick) I don't want to change my mind [15:37] (Euthanasia44) You could chose her method [15:38] (stbdchick) choose her method? [15:38] (stbdchick) her who? [15:38] (Euthanasia44) you could be druged in a drink with a knock out drug, then killed without pain with drowning or suffacation [15:39] (Euthanasia44) method yes [15:39] (Euthanasia44) she wanted painless peaceful [15:40] (stbdchick) a knock out drink is not gonna kill me [15:40] (Euthanasia44) you don't need a tank [15:40] (Euthanasia44) drowning you under water will [15:40] (Euthanasia44) after your knocked out [15:40] (stbdchick) I can';t drown myself if I'm unconscious! [15:41] (Euthanasia44) No, but I can [15:41] (stbdchick) that wouldn't be suicide, that would be murder [15:41] (Euthanasia44) peaceful and painless and very sure to work [15:42] (Euthanasia44) well, assisted suicide [15:42] (Euthanasia44) but no one is going to know it, so whats the deference [15:42] (stbdchick) if you got caught... [15:43] (Euthanasia44) your body will never ben found, so no one is going to know how or if you died [15:43] (Euthanasia44) and is the only reason I would do it [15:43] (Euthanasia44) no body, no investagation [15:43] (stbdchick) why would you take that kind of risk for me? [15:44] (Euthanasia44) Because I'm about the only one that would [15:44] (Euthanasia44) and you need help [15:44] (stbdchick) what do you get out of this? [15:44] (Euthanasia44) but I'm nocrusader [15:45] (Euthanasia44) I believe in the right to assisted suicide, but I'm not out to get attention for it, hahhah [15:45] (stbdchick) how do I know you're not an interventionist? [15:45] (Euthanasia44) Oh no, never [15:46] (Euthanasia44) I told you how I feel about it [15:46] (stbdchick) I don't understand [15:46] (Euthanasia44) I would rather have you alive, but [15:46] (stbdchick) I might help a close friend... knowing it'd be risky... [15:47] (Euthanasia44) If your going to die and I help you, it will be peaceful I know that for sure [15:48] (Euthanasia44) I know no one can talk you out of it, so the next best thing is, to help you [15:49] (stbdchick) you're doing this with someone else too? what are you ASH's own Dr. Kevorkian?!? [15:49] (Euthanasia44) but, it's up to you [15:49] (stbdchick) heh [15:49] (Euthanasia44) don't ask, hahhaha [15:49] (Euthanasia44) I don't like him anyway [15:50] (Euthanasia44) to much attention [15:50] (Euthanasia44) and only for termanal [15:50] (stbdchick) life is terminal [15:50] (Euthanasia44) Others need help too [15:50] (Euthanasia44) this is true, hahhhaa [15:51] (Euthanasia44) you think your going to back out at the last minute? [15:51] (stbdchick) I think that actually doing it is very hard [15:51] (Euthanasia44) your right [15:51] (stbdchick) I mean... have you ever played with hanging? [15:52] (Euthanasia44) Not me [15:52] (stbdchick) like... when you realize you are losing consciousness... that you are actually gonna die... it's really fucking scary [15:52] (Euthanasia44) have you? [15:52] (Euthanasia44) I probably would not hang you the way you tried if I was to hang someone [15:53] (stbdchick) how would you hang someone? [15:53] (Euthanasia44) Use a real noose and have a drop, then kick out the chair, and it is too late to think about it, the neck breaks and its over [15:53] (stbdchick) it'd be the exact opposite of suspension play in SM... doing the opposite of all the safety rules [15:54] (Euthanasia44) I forgot about your BDSM [15:54] (Euthanasia44) do you want a kinky method? hahhhaa [15:54] (stbdchick) I sort of have kinky associations with hanging [15:54] (Euthanasia44) Tell me? [15:55] (stbdchick) I just mean... it's a controversial thing in SM [15:55] (stbdchick) some people think any form of playing with breath control cannot be done safely [15:55] (Euthanasia44) ok, I don't know about it [15:55] (stbdchick) and some are really into it [15:55] (stbdchick) I never played with it during my time in SM... [15:56] (Euthanasia44) As I said, if I hanged you, neck break [15:56] (Euthanasia44) quick [15:56] (Euthanasia44) no backing out of it [15:56] (stbdchick) but it's one of those things... like an old boyfriend described to me what heroin was like... he made it sound so awesome, you almost wanted to try it yourself [15:56] (stbdchick) and... some of the folks into breath-play have made it sound that way... very intense apparently [15:57] (Euthanasia44) you like the idea of being strangled slow? [15:57] (Euthanasia44) is that it? [15:58] (stbdchick) I like the descriptions I've heard of it - sounds hot - though I always thought it was too dangerous [15:58] (Euthanasia44) Well, if your going to die anyway, hahaha [15:58] (stbdchick) it's sorta backwards now... being suicidal is about finding things that are dangerous ENOUGH... so you don't accidentally live through an attempt [15:58] (Euthanasia44) yes [15:59] (Euthanasia44) but most people don't have someone to be sure it works like you do if you want my help [15:59] (Euthanasia44) So if you had your way, wich way would you go? [16:00] (stbdchick) I would want to be sure [16:00] (stbdchick) that's the main thing [16:00] (Euthanasia44) Is death a sexual experience for you? [16:01] (stbdchick) I never really thought of it as sexual per se [16:01] (stbdchick) I mean, SM of course is [16:01] (Euthanasia44) like SM? [16:01] (stbdchick) so there's associations with hanging [16:01] (stbdchick) but none of my SM fanatsies ahve ever included death [16:02] (Euthanasia44) Oh ok [16:02] (stbdchick) ya know, just regular old whips and chains and stuff [16:02] (Euthanasia44) hahhaha [16:02] (stbdchick) safe, sane and consensual...blah, blah, blah [16:02] (stbdchick) heh [16:02] (Euthanasia44) do you want to wear your leather when you die? [16:03] (stbdchick) <-been in the scene for ten years [16:03] (stbdchick) most of my leather is whips [16:03] (Euthanasia44) So are you a dom? or sub? [16:03] (stbdchick) I've done both [16:04] (Euthanasia44) wich do you like the most? [16:04] (stbdchick) started as a sub, but had some bad experiences trust-wise, started domming a bit... then kinda moved to exclusively domming after a while [16:04] (stbdchick) I like them... differently [16:04] (stbdchick) is hard to explain [16:05] (Euthanasia44) do you like pain? [16:05] (Euthanasia44) Or just power? [16:05] (stbdchick) both [16:05] (stbdchick) not either one alone [16:05] (stbdchick) there is no point to pain if it's not part of submission [16:06] (Euthanasia44) Years ago I had a girl friend that was very submissive and liked pain, but I was not into whipping anyone [16:06] (Euthanasia44) I enjoyed her submission [16:06] (stbdchick) too bad she wans't into drowning [16:06] (stbdchick) heh [16:06] (Euthanasia44) But other then hard biting, that was as far as I could go on the ;ain [16:07] (stbdchick) I've done a lot... physically, mroe as a sub [16:07] (stbdchick) I was beaten once so badly I couldn't shower even with plain water for 3 days [16:07] (stbdchick) the bruises lasted over a month [16:08] (Euthanasia44) wow [16:08] (stbdchick) never beat anyone that abdly myself though, I'm kinda wimpier about inflicting pain [16:08] (Euthanasia44) what shape is you body in now? [16:08] (stbdchick) not as good as it should be [16:08] (Euthanasia44) you have scars? [16:09] (stbdchick) a few [16:09] (stbdchick) and a few extra holes... heh [16:09] (stbdchick) my right nipple is pierced [16:09] (Euthanasia44) what do you think is wrong with your body now after being into BDSM? [16:09] (stbdchick) and my inner labia used to be pierced, but I removed the rings, so there's just holes left [16:09] (stbdchick) SM didn't mess up my body [16:09] (stbdchick) overeating, smoking, lack of exercise... these messed up my body [16:10] (Euthanasia44) I used to smoke as well [16:10] (Euthanasia44) what do you think is your best feture? [16:10] (Euthanasia44) feature [16:10] (stbdchick) my hair probably [16:11] (stbdchick) I have very thick, curly, long hair [16:11] (stbdchick) EXTREMELY thick [16:11] (Euthanasia44) is it long? [16:11] (stbdchick) not real long, past my shoulders though [16:11] (stbdchick) it doesn't grow real long [16:11] (Euthanasia44) I would guessed you would have said your legs because your so tall [16:12] (Euthanasia44) I would think your all legs [16:12] (stbdchick) heh [16:12] (stbdchick) well, they reach the ground [16:12] (stbdchick) a good length for legs [16:12] (stbdchick) ;) [16:13] (Euthanasia44) but you don't think they have a nice shape? [16:13] (stbdchick) I dunno, I'm not much into legs, I guess [16:13] (stbdchick) I'm more into tits myself, when I look at chicks, that's what I tend to notice [16:14] (Euthanasia44) do you carry your extra weight in your tummy? or your hips like most women? [16:14] (Euthanasia44) Men have the large belly [16:14] (Euthanasia44) Like me [16:14] (Euthanasia44) hahaha [16:15] (stbdchick) more in my belly... women's pants don't fit me right, the hips are too big... I buy men's jeans [16:15] (Euthanasia44) So you like breasts? [16:15] (stbdchick) but mostly I wear very long skirts and blouses [16:15] (Euthanasia44) large? small? or inbetween? [16:15] (stbdchick) I like large breasts [16:16] (Euthanasia44) are your's large as well? [16:16] (Euthanasia44) being so tall? [16:16] (stbdchick) pretty large, D cup [16:16] (Euthanasia44) wow [16:16] (stbdchick) they don't look veyr large on my frame though [16:17] (stbdchick) also, they're old... baby-chewed, gravity effects, etc. [16:17] (Euthanasia44) yes, you would look in perportion [16:17] (Euthanasia44) they are begining to sag a bit ha? [16:17] (stbdchick) yup [16:18] (Euthanasia44) does that get to you? [16:19] (stbdchick) not really [16:19] (stbdchick) I mean, that's just age [16:19] (stbdchick) <-is not very hung up about looks [16:19] (stbdchick) <-and not interested in anyone who *is* hung up about looks either [16:19] (Euthanasia44) true, but I hate changing [16:19] (stbdchick) besides, I'm not planning to date again [16:20] (Euthanasia44) no, not much point [16:21] (Euthanasia44) you only had 1 kid right? [16:21] (stbdchick) yes [16:21] (stbdchick) she's been quite enough tho [16:21] (Euthanasia44) well, your breasts can't be that chewed up then [16:22] (stbdchick) heh... no, but they look very different from pre-baby [16:22] (stbdchick) babies change them a lot [16:22] (Euthanasia44) yes [16:23] (Euthanasia44) and the larger and more weight, the more they will sag as you age [16:23] (stbdchick) yup [16:23] (Euthanasia44) In other women, do you like older or younger breasts? [16:23] (stbdchick) hard to say [16:24] (stbdchick) my ideal woman is the one I fell in love with... whom was ten eyars older than me and had many more stretch marks [16:24] (Euthanasia44) would your breasts be desirable to you if you were another woman looking at them? [16:24] (stbdchick) oh yeah [16:24] (stbdchick) I once caught a view of myself in the mirror nude, didn't recognize myself for a sec, and got attracted [16:24] (stbdchick) weird, huh? [16:24] (Euthanasia44) good, that is all that is important then [16:25] (Euthanasia44) No, would not say that [16:25] (stbdchick) I am gonna have to go... am falling asleep... [16:26] (stbdchick) my sleep schedule is all messed up [16:26] (Euthanasia44) You must think I'm weird [16:26] (stbdchick) I think this convo has gotten weird [16:26] (Euthanasia44) hahahah [16:26] (stbdchick) but we've had weird convos in the main channel too... were you here when we discussed who had or had not tasted their own body fluids? [16:26] (Euthanasia44) Well, you can stop it anytime you like, hahha [16:26] (stbdchick) I need some sleep... have been up for a day and a half [16:27] (stbdchick) I'll catch you later [16:27] (Euthanasia44) No, was not there [16:27] (Euthanasia44) sorry I missed it [16:27] (Euthanasia44) Ok, see ya [16:27] (stbdchick) later d00d Session Close: Wed Dec 06 16:27:51 2000
Session Start: Wed Dec 06 16:27:58 2000
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Last update: Tuesday, January 02, 2001 23:38
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